Psalm 23, Dedicated to My Mother

Full Fasting Moon

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"When have you encountered the Light through music?" 

For the first time all day I was alone. Not really alone, nurses bustled about down the hall and the whole hospital building buzzed with the hushed vibrating energy that was still new and uneasy to me. My sister had just left and I knew her leaving came with both relief and worry for her. This hospital was hard for her, but she had been my rock for hours.

For the last time in a week I was all alone. The pain hadn't become tear wrenchingly unbearable yet. The nurses faces still shined with optimism and hope. But as I was left alone, alone for the first time all day, alone for the last time for a week, I cried. I was on the edge of a chasm though I couldn't see it at the time. All I knew was I was alone, ill and scared.

I found myself searching my mind and heart for something to comfort me. A fragment of a story, a glimpse of a melody. Where had I heard it before? I don't even know. But I found what I was looking for on YouTube (G(!)d(dess) bless the internet!) and listened to it all night.

The Lord is my Shepard, I have all I need,
She makes me lie down in green meadows,
Beside the still waters, She will lead.

She restores my soul, She rights my wrongs,
She leads me in a path of good things,
And fills my heart with songs.

Even though I walk, through a dark and dreary land,
There is nothing that can shake me,
She has said She won't forsake me,
I'm in her hand.

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The song is Psalm 23rd, Dedicated to My Mother written by Bobby McFerrin and performed by the choral group Cantus. I've never been much of a Bible reader and the imagery of god as a shepherd has never resonated with me. God as a tall, thin, bearded man with a white robe and a shepherd's crook reeks of watered down bible stories for children and patriarchy. C.S. Lewis reminds us, though, that we don't have to understand how something works to know that it does, whether that thing is a good meal or redemption in Christ. I don't know how these words, words that may or may not describe how I view the Divine, came to make themselves known to me that night. I certainly do not know how they soothed my very being in that dark and dreary land of the OHSU emergency room but I do know that they did.


This was written for my Quaker Meeting's collective journal, Minding the Light. Check the link for our web presence, and check out all my other posts labeled Minding the Light here. 

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Full Fasting Moon 2012: The Sap Moon

Full Fasting Moon 2011: Of Peacocks, Pride and Park Rangers

Full Fasting Moon 2010: I didn't post a Full Fasting Moon post in 2010, but Spring is Springing is a New Fasting Moon post for that spring.

Full Fasting Moon 2009: Full Moon in the Fasting Moon

Changing our Stories

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This is a First Word I presented to my Quaker community, West Hills Friends. A First Word is a time to share a story of how God's spirit is moving in your life and through sharing these stories we can more fully understand the world of the spirit in the world. I hope this story can shed some light on this big crazy world for you. Writing it helped me. 

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Hi, my name is Alyss and I am a middle school teacher. As far as I can see, the only thing on earth harder than being a middle school teacher is being a middle school student. Some of my students come into my cramped but well appointed classroom with worried faces, and folded, tight body language of those trying to be unobtrusive. Others show up with manic grins, big bouncing steps, drawing attention to themselves with wild gestures and loud words. Not a single one of them is sure of themselves or how they fit in this world and in that, I feel a great kinship with them. Being twelve is really, really hard… but it turns out being an adult is almost just as hard. Actually, I think it’s just hard to be a people.

I teach science and my main objectives as a science educator are to introduce kids to great minds that have come before them and to give their minds the tools they need to see the great world in front of them. We just started a unit on the Solar System and so, fittingly, we started with an introduction to how astronomers have viewed the solar system throughout the history of western civilization. I should not have been so surprised at their eagerness for these stories – stories of men who looked and saw, were confused and then made sense.

One of their favorites and mine is that well-known Polish astronomer Copernicus. 500 years ago he spent his life watching the stars trying to understand what was going on in this big crazy world. My sixth graders love it when I tell them that the world is crazy and we’re all just trying to understand it…. Copernicus, me and them in the same boat of having no idea what is going on. After years of dedicated watching, Copernicus realized that the observations he was making about the heavens did not fit with story he had been taught about how the solar system worked.  For over 1000 years western culture had been sure that the earth stood still in the center of the solar system and the rest of the heavenly bodies moved around it. But Copernicus’ data just wouldn’t fit that model. He had to change his story to make sense of his observations.

He had to change his story to make sense of his observations. I probably said that 25 times this week and at some point it dawned on me – I’m not just talking about astronomy, or science even. When Copernicus realized that his new information didn’t fit this old story he most likely felt the excitement of discovery but I suspect he also felt confused, insecure, anxious and maybe even more intense emotions like fear, dread, sadness or grief. Or maybe I’m just projecting.

We have to change our story to make sense of our observations. We tell ourselves lots of stories about how the world works – that the earth stands still, that God created heaven and earth in 6 days, that those people are taking our jobs, that that person will always act like this, or I will always do this or someday my prince will come. So many of these stories were built on outdated information but humans are meaning making machines and we hold onto our narratives like a drowning man, even when we know how to swim.

We have to change our story to make sense of our new observations. Hah, if only it were so easy. The child psychologist Piaget recognized that when humans get new information they can either ignore it, assimilate it seamlessly into their old story or reshape their understanding. Fundamentalists, hack scientists and addicts of all kinds are prime examples of the ignoring strategy, but we are all guilty. Piaget called the reshaping strategy disequilibrium, recognizing how uncomfortable and complex this process is.

Disequilibrium. Yeah, I know about that. Feeling like the ground is shifting under your feet. Like nothing makes sense anymore. Like all the old rules and old stories are a bunch of garbage and you are left with…. Well, you have no idea what you are left with. Anxiety and fear, sadness and grief are marking my disequilibrium. I see confusion and distress in the disequilibrium that my students are going through – because what is middle school if not a time when you are learning new things that don’t make sense in your old world order. Their bodies are changing, their brains are changing, their social networks are changing and nothing makes sense anymore. Yep, I know all about disequilibrium.

Piaget says that disequilibrium is a motivator for intellectual growth and creating schema, understandings, that are ever more adequate for dealing with reality. The astronomers we studied eventually came to a schema about the solar system that has allowed us to send men to the moon and probes to the worlds throughout our solar system. I have faith that my 6^th graders will some day be generally functional adults and I’m sure I will come to an “ever more adequate schema” though I have no idea what that will look like. And none of these disequilibrium events are easy or comfortable. But as my Zen Buddhist friend says, with that very serious look Zen Buddhists so often have – what’s wrong with being uncomfortable? You just want to tell them to shut it, but he’s probably right.

I have to change my story to make sense of my observations. I’m anxious, uncomfortable, upset scared and sad these days. I’m in a state of disequilibrium. I’m not miserable, though… a new thing is rising or else I would still be happy in my old understanding. Its hard, it’s not fun, there are a lot of tears. But I guess one of those stories that doesn’t really work is the one that says life will be simple, comfortable and pleasant at all times.

Brigit

February First

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February First has come and gone. I didn't make Red Soup. I didn't go for a walk around the neighborhood. Things are busy and complicated again this spring. But good. Really good.

I offer you a repost of my most favorite story on this blog. The story of Lovely Luz and Sweet Brigit. I originally wrote this in February of 2010 and I still love it. I hope you do too.

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Once upon a time there was a little girl named Luz who lived with her sickly mother in a small cabin near the woods. Her mother had been weak for a long time and Luz had to take care of herself and her mother. Luz cleaned the houses of other families in their village, collected firewood and tended a small flock of chickens and two pretty nanny goats in the yard behind the cabin, so there was always something to put on the table but never much extra.

In the autumn, as the leaves were falling and the days were getting shorter, Luz’s mother helped her light a candle in a little glass lantern. Her mother was able to come to the door and watch Luz as she paraded around the yard singing songs to the nanny goats and chickens. “Remember,” her mother said “as the light of the sun fades in the autumn, we can keep the light in our lantern through the winter.”

Photo by calynde

Winter was always hard for Luz and her mother. The days were cold and snowy but Luz needed to go out most days to collect more firewood. The nanny goats stopped giving milk and eventually even the chickens stopped laying eggs, but the cold left Luz and her mother hungry for those nourishing foods. There was one wonderful thing that happened in the winter, though. Every evening, after the wood had been stacked by the fireplace and the chickens had been shut in their coops, the goats had been given fresh hay and the dinner dishes washed and put away, Luz’s mother would tell her stories about the beautiful Goddess Brigit. Brigit was always good to the poor and people who were like her always had good things happen to them.

One day just before Christmas, Luz was out along the edge of the forest by her cabin collecting firewood. She had a good armload and was about to turn back seeing as it was getting dark when she saw a man huddled around a tiny campfire. Despite the cold air he was dressed in rags, working hard to warm his fingers which were turning blue. Luz remembered the story her mother told the night before where Brigit gave away a precious silver necklace to a poor woman in need. Brigit’s sisters were angry, but the next day they found a sliver necklace to replace the one given away. Well, Luz thought, whether she found another pile of wood or not, this man needs my firewood, as well as the hardboiled egg and small wedge of cheese my mother sent with me, more than I do.

“Here you go, sir.” Said Luz, setting her gifts down near him. “I don’t have much, but you need it more.”

“Thank you, child.” He said. “I am almost home, and your gifts and kindness will warm me until I get there. Bless you, child, bless you.”

Luz hurried home, for it was getting dark, but just as she reached the path back to her own cabin she came across a large pile of dry, good firewood. She picked it up and hurried home.

“Oh mama!” she cried. “I left the wood I had gathered with a poor man near the forest, but look! There’s a pile of dry, good firewood here!”

“What a lovely girl you are, Luz.” Her mother said. “Just like Brigit you give more than what you can spare. But look, Brigit left this wood for you as a gift. Those who keep the sun’s light strong and care for others are always taken care of.”

A few weeks later a neighbor had taken Luz’s mother on a visit to a friend’s house in the village and Luz was home alone, tending the chickens and nanny goats. Luz went out and collected the last few eggs the chickens would lay that winter and went inside to make a small lunch for herself. Just then an old woman walked up the path by their house and asked if Luz had any bread to spare. The woman looked like she needed more than just a slice of bread to get her home and Luz remembered the story of the old woman who gave Brigit shelter one cold night. The woman tore down a piece of her house and killed her only calf to feed and warm Brigit, but in the morning her cow had another calf and her house was whole and warm. Well, thought, Luz, I don’t have to tear down our cabin to give this woman a warm lunch so she invited her in.

Luz prepared the last of the eggs with the last of the goat milk and a few slices of bread to make a warm meal for the woman, and let her sit by the warm fire for as long as she needed.

“Thank you, child.” she said. “I am on my way to visit my daughter, and your gifts and kindness will warm me until I get there. Bless you, child, bless you.”

When Luz’s mother came home Luz rushed to find the last food in the cupboard to make her dinner, but instead of a crust of bread she found a full egg basket and two whole wheels of cheese.

“Oh mama!” she cried. “I fed a poor woman the last of our eggs this afternoon, but look! There’s a dozen eggs here!”

“What a lovely girl you are, Luz.” Her mother said. “Just like Brigit you give more than what you can spare. But look, Brigit left those eggs for you as a gift. Those who keep the sun’s light strong and care for others are always taken care of.”

Late in the winter, after Christmas but while the days are still dark and cold Luz’s mother, who had always been weak, got terribly sick. Luz was so worried, especially when her mother couldn’t even get out of bed. She kept her mother warm and the fire strong, and prayed to Brigit for help.

After three nights of this, when it felt like winter will never end and her mother would never be well, Luz fell asleep by the fire. She dreamed she heard an old woman walking by the window of their little cabin chanting.

Moving rightways with the sun
My blessings weave and bend
Weave and bend

All winter you did keep the light
Spring blessing soon will rise
Soon will rise

Luz rose from her seat by the fire and wrapped her shawl around her shoulders. She grabbed her Martinmas lantern and headed out to follow the sound. Ahead of her she saw a woman dressed all in black, with hair white as the snow and a face dark like old wood walking slowly through the woods. Luz followed her quietly, sure the old woman must know she’s there, but the old woman never turned around or stopped chanting. She just kept walking into the woods. Luz followed the woman further into the woods than she had ever been before but she wasn’t afraid, the old woman seemed to have a light and warmth that made Luz feel safe.

Moving rightways with the sun
My blessings weave and bend
Weave and bend

All winter you did keep the light
Spring blessing soon will rise
Soon will rise

Eventually, as the sky started to lighten in the east, the old woman, with Luz following behind, came to a clearing with an old stone well in it. The old woman stood by the well and finally spoke, “Come closer child. Do you know who I am?” Luz shook her head, too afraid to say what she knew must be true.

“I know I don’t look like the beautiful woman in the stories your mother tells you, but I am her, I am Brigit. This night is my night, this morning my dawn. You carry with you the light you have nurtured all winter with good deeds and warm stories. Because you have done so well at caring for that light through the long dark winter you may have a wish. What do you wish for, child?”

“I wish for my Mother to be well again.. and.. and for this winter to be over! I am so sick of it being cold all the time.”

Brigit laughed, “Granted one wish and you ask for two. No matter, it can be arranged.”

Just then, the first morning bird sang out, and the first ray of dawn’s light broke over the horizon. The old crone Brigit pulled the bucket out of the well, dipped her hands into the cold, clear water, and splashed her face. Her robes instantly turned to red, and her hair to a speckled grey and black, and her face to that of a matronly woman of middle age. In just another moment, the disk of the sun broke above the horizon, spilling full sunlight into the clearing with the well. The mother Brigit dipped her hands into the bucket again, and once more splashed a handful of water onto her face. In the blink of an eye her robes turned to pure white, her hair to a deep auburn red and her face fair as that of a young maiden.

“Come, bring your lamp here,” said the maiden Brigit and Luz did as she was asked. Brigit took the lantern from her hands and blew the candle out, but the light didn’t go away. It seemed to Luz that the light from the candle, instead of being kept inside the small lantern, spread throughout the whole forest. The morning dew sparkled on swelling buds and the sun seemed even brighter than it had been the day before. The snow was still deep and the air cold, but Luz could tell spring would be on its way soon.

The maiden Brigit pulled a small tin cup out of her cloak and filled it with water from the well. “Take this to your Mother and have her drink it. She will be well soon, and spring is on its way. Keep my memory alive, Luz, tell stories about my good deeds and live them out in your own life. Blessed be.”

Photo by dawn m. armfield

Luz took the cup and her lantern and hurried home, as quickly as she could, but careful to not spill a drop of the precious water Brigit pulled from the sacred well.

“Oh mama!” she cried, when she got home. “I met sweet Brigit at the well and she gave me this magic water to make you well! Oh, mama! You will be well again!”

“What a lovely girl you are, Luz.” Her mother said. “Brigit found you who are so like herself and has blessed us all. Those who keep the sun’s light strong and care for others are always taken care of.”

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February First 2009: February the First

February First 2010: Lovely Luz and Sweet Bridgit This happens to be my all time favorite post from all two plus years of blogging. Please go check it out. 

Feburary First 2011: Brigid - The Goddess of Poetry

February First 2012: Brigid's Red Soup and Magic

The PB&J Mix

New Birth Moon

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I'm incubating. The new year is coming, my new plan, my new gwish. It is dark, it is wet and I'm not doing too much but thinking. And listening to music. 

"Now, the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many do's and don'ts. First of all you're using someone else's poetry to express how you feel. This is a delicate thing."

Here's my Winter PB & J  mix tape. That stands for power, beauty and joy... or peanut butter and jelly. Both make me smile.  Enjoy!

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• We are Star Dust - Symphony of Science

I recently discovered this amazing musician, John D Boswell, who is using auto tune software to turn spoken audio clips into songs. He takes the words of well known scientists like Carl Sagan, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Stephen Hawkings and David Attenborough and sets them to music creating inspirational and beautiful music. This one is possibly my favorite, featuring Neil deGrasse Tyson reminding us that "we are part of this universe, we are in this universe, the universe is in us."

• Happytown (All Right With Me) - Dave Carter and Tracy Grammer

Before he died in 2002 Dave Carter collaborated with Tracy Grammer to produce three albums of folk singer songwriter music that are often called Buddhist Cowboy music. His mystical experiences and study of psychology, myth and mysticism show clearly in his music. I heard it said that no one could fit more words into a song than Dave Carter and this song is an excellent example of all of that. "I walk the occam razor way through priests and circus clowns. Am I a missoner of faith or grace or vision or another grinning prisoner of Happytown?"

• Happy Little Clouds - Remixes for the Soul 

The guy who did Symphony of Science has turned his talents to turning other celebrities to rock stars with his Remixes for the Soul compilation. This one stars Bob Ross from the PBS show Joy of Painting and makes my heart sing. Anyone who has ever watched an episode of the show has seen just how full of love and encouragment Bob Ross is and how it radiates through the TV screen right at you. It feels like spending an hour with a beatific nun or the Dalai Lama, only with painting instead. "You can almost paint with anything, all you have to do is practice. There are no limits here, start out by believing here." Thanks Bob Ross, I will believe! 

• Gentle Arms of Eden - Dave Carter and Tracy Grammer

The first time I heard this song was at Winterfest, a folk benefit for Sisters of the Road Cafe, in maybe 2001 or 2002. I cried as Dave and Tracy performed it on stage at the Aladdin. It has remained an important song ever since... "On a sleepy endless ocean when the world lay in a dream, There was rhythm in the splash and roll, but not a voice to sing. So the moon shone on the breakers and the morning warmed the waves, till a single cell did jump and hum for joy as though to say...  This is my home! This is my only home. This is the only sacred ground that I have ever known. Should I stray in th dark night alone Rock me goddess in the gentle arms of Eden.

• We are All Connected - Symphony of Science

Featuring Richard Feynman on the bongos, Bill Nye thinking about the vast emptiness of space, Carl Sagan waxing poetic about star stuff and Neil deGrasse Tyson's statement that "we are all connected; To each other, biologically, to the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically." One of the most popular Symphony of Science videos for a reason. 

• Shelter from the Storm - Bob Dylan

The apartment I lived in for three years in college was called Shelter from the Storm. "Not a word was spoke between us there was little risk involved, everything up to that point had been left unresolved. Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm, "Come in" she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm" The link above is to the album version that I love most, but this live performance is amazing. Harder, harsher, but Dylan at his best.

• Peace Train - Dolly Parton and Ladysmith Black Mambazo

I first knew Ladysmith Black Mambazo from their work with Paul Simon on Graceland. This version of Cat Stevens' song combines their haunting harmonic style with Dolly's clear voice and makes me just wanna get on that train. Check out Ladysmith Black Mambazo's Amazing Grace.

• Onward to the Edge - Symphony of Science 

Possibly my very favorite of the Symphony of Science tracks. "There is a powerful recognition that stirs within us, when we see our own little blue ocean planet in the skies of other worlds... onward to the edge, we're moving onward to the edge. Here we are together on this fragile little world."

• Road Goes on Forever - Joe Ely

A truly pronoic tale of adventure, trial and redemption. The road goes on forever, and the party never ends. I like the Joe Ely version above best, but here's another one with Joe featuring Joel Guzman (who makes the accoridan seem like the sexiest instrument ever), here's one by Robert Earl Keen - the guy who wrote the song, and here's the Highwaymen's version (ya know, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, et al). It's a good song.

• Mud on the Tires - Brad Paisley

A truly unironic celebration of the simple pleasures in life - a new truck, the moon and stars, a campfire and a pretty lady. It makes me smile. 

• Mysterious Ways - U2

When I was in high school I was bona fide obsessed with U2. I listened to the Achtung Baby cassette tape on my Walkman on the bus to school, during passing periods, spent the afternoon watching the concert footage on VHS tape and fell asleep listening to the tape again. Some U2 songs send me into that weird place you find yourself when you look at your high school year book, awkward and embarrassed and emotional. This song, though, has stood the test of time and is still in regular rotation.  

• Don't Stop Believin' - Journey

When this came on at the bar the other night, my friend said "I feel like I only hear this song at Goodwill." I said, he isn't living life right then. "Some will win, some will lose. Some were born to sing the blues. Oh, the movie never ends it goes on and on and on and on..... don't stop believing. HOLD ON TO THAT FIEEELLAAAYING!"

• My City of Ruins - Bruce Springsteen  

I think it is curious that I chose to end my PB and J mix with such an intense song. It is sad, yes, but not dark. It brings tears to my eyes, but not always tears of grief. In August of 2003 I watched a full moon ruse over the Oakland Hills as Bruce entreated us to rise up. In November of that same year I visited St. Paul's Chapel in lower Manhattan and cried as the words ran through my head... my city of ruins. I sang this song to my puppy years later, the emotions still fresh but her wagging tail and excited cuddling adding a new layer of association. And of course, any Bruce is all mixed up with my dad, an "it's complicated" relationship if there ever was one. But the take home message is not one of sadness, it is the pronoic belief that every experience allows you to grow, even the painful, terrible and horrific ones. "With these hands, lord, with these hands, I pray for the strength... I pray for your love, lord, with these hands."

What are you listening to in this dark time of the year? What plans are you making, what are you incubating? What PB&J is rocking your world? The photos are images from the Hubble Telescope turned into holiday cards. View all of them at Hubblesite.org  and download your own for spreading holiday PB&J. Blessed winter! 

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New Birth Moon 2008: Waiting

New Birth Moon 2009: Advent, Awaiting the Birth

New Birth Moon 2010: Winter is Dark, Yet Each Tiny Spark

New Birth Moon 2011: Wolves at the Gate

Wolves at the Gate

New Birth Moon

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    “Lose the bobcat?” she asked him.

    “No, lost you. For a while.”

    “Not for long, I see.”

    He was wearing his hat again, with the brim pulled low. She found it harder to read his eyes. “You weren’t after that cat today,” he accused. “That trail’s a few days old.”

    “That’s right.”

    “I’d like to know what it is you’re tracking.”

    “You’re a man that can’t hold his horses, aren’t you?”

    He smiled. Tantalizing. “What’s your game, lady?”

    “Coyotes.”

    His eyes widened, only for a second and a half. She could swear his pupils dilated. She bit her lower lip, having meant to give away nothing. She’d forgotten how to talk with people, it seemed – how to sidestep a question and hide what was necessary.

    “And bobcats, and bear, and fox,” she piled on quickly, to bury the coyotes. “Everything that’s here. But especially the carnivores.”

    She shifted, waiting, feeling her toes inside her boots. Wasn’t he supposed to say something after she finished? When he didn’t, she suggested, “I guess you were looking for deer the other day?”

    He gave a small shrug. Deer season was many months over and gone. He wasn’t going to be trapped by a lady wildlife ranger with a badge. “Why the carnivores, especially?” he asked.

    “No reason.”

    “I see. You’re just partial. There’s birdwatchers, and butterfly collectors and there’s gals like you that like to watch meat eaters.”

    He might have known this one thing could draw her talk to the surface: an outsider’s condescension. “They’re the top of the food chain, that’s the reason,” she said coldly. “If they are good, then their prey is good, and its food is good. If not, then something’s missing from the chain.”

    “Oh yeah?”

By Jerolek

    “Yeah. Keeping tabs on the predators tells  you what you need to know about the herbivores, like deer, and the vegetation, the detritovores, the insect populations, small predators like shrews and voles. All of it.”

    He studied her with a confusion she recognized. She was well accustomed to watching Yankee brains grind their gears, attempting to reconcile a hillbilly accent with signs of a serious education. He asked finally “And what you need to know about the shrews and voles would be what, exactly?”

    “Voles matter more than you think. Beetles, worms. I guess to hunters these woods seem like a zoo, but who feeds the animals and cleans up the cage, do you think? Without worms and termites you’d be up to your hat brim in dead tree branches looking for a clear shot.”

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The new moon this month is the new Birth Moon in Annette Hinshaw's calendar and the new Wolf Moon in Jessica Prentice's. It is the dark of winter, the testing place of the wisdom and support we gathered over the last summer both physically as well as emotionally and spiritually. Did the fields and herds provide enough food for us this year? Did we store enough food to last the winter? Do we have the friend and kin support to get us through the dark times?  

Humans are like other large animals top predators in that we require huge amounts of land to support our needs. Each one of us requires entire armies of farmers and ranchers, crop plants and livestock animals, food packagers, butchers and cooks to meet our food needs. Estimates of how much land a human needs to meet their food needs range from 1/5 of anacre to over 10 square miles, depending on the climate and intensity of agriculture, but no matter what, we are resource intensive creatures. In the last 50 years agriculture in the western world has changed drastically with the input of petroleum fuel and chemical fertilizers, reducing some of the human labor required to feed our growing population that now tops 7 billion souls. Unfortunately, this oil based food system is not sustainable in the long term. Unlike natural ecosystems, it both requires an in put that is not renewable and 

By Ricky NJ

it also produces waste that is not useable by the system. In fact, the waste and destruction caused by our modern agribusiness practices makes the entire ecosystem unhealthy for both humans and many other animal and plant species.

Wolves and other large carnivores were some of the first species to feel the effects of western civilization as we developed the technology to take the land we needed for our agriculture. Wolves were hunted virtually to extinction in Europe and North America as industrial agriculture grew and by the middle of the 20^th century there were only remnant populations in the far reaches of their former range. The environmental movement of the last 40 years has changed the way both the public and the government views wolves, however, and in the 1990s there was a program to reintroduce wolves to the northern Rocky Mountain areas of Idaho and Wyoming. By 2004 the original couple dozen wolves relocated from Alberta,Canada to central Idaho had expanded to over 450 animals and some of those were making their way across the Snake River into Oregon. Nearly sixty years after the last wolf bounty was paid in Oregon, the fish and wildlife department confirmed two pups born to the small Imnaha pack, the first in the state. Six more pups were confirmed in the 2009 breeding season and there are two other packs now roam the wilderness of north eastern Oregon.

This autumn big news broke when a young wolf left his home pack and started heading west across Oregon. By December OR 7, as he is known, had traveled over 700 miles and set up camp in the heavily forested land between Medford, OR and Crater Lake. OR 7 is a bit of a celebrity these days and his journey, and the notoriety it is getting, is stirring up the rural/urban, rancher/conservationist divide over the reintroduction of wolves to Western States. Like Eddie Bondo, the Wyoming rancher and hunter in Barbara Kingsolver’s Prodigal Summer which I excerpted above, many people in rural Oregon view wolves as threats to their livelihood. The irony, of course, is that wolves returning to their mountains are in direct opposition to the real threat to their livlihoods.

By Fremlin

In Kingsolver’s beautiful novel, Eddie learns from the forest ranger Deanna about how important large carnivores are to the entire ecosystem they live in. Yes, large carnivores kill young and weak livestock, but another character in the novel notes that there are 10 other ways she might be responsible for the death of her animals. In fact, the land that supports a healthy population of carnivores can support a larger and healthier population of grazing animals. Even crop farmers benefit from the healthy ecosystems that support wolves, coyotes, bobcats and cougars. Those ecosystems provide clean water, balanced insect populations and habitat for pest rodents to live in so they are less likely to harass stored grains. Turns out, healthy ecosystems make for healthy farms, which in turn allow all people to live healthier lives.

I think one of the hardest things to wrap my city born brain around is just how detrimental our culture is to both wild things and to our own lifestyles. Our current practices of mining the earth’s resources are simply not sustainable – and I don’t mean that in the green washed way that Whole Foods or American Apparel mean it. I mean really, really for real, there is not going to be enough food, clean water, breatheable air or fertile soil to support the human population. We are filling our house with garbage and toxic waste, eating everything out of the fridge and refusing to see that things can’t go on like this.

The struggle for me, an environmentalist who cares about food issues and wildlife issues and really knows all about this stuff, is what to do on a daily basis. How do I make changes in my life that make it more sustainable, without abandoning civilization and living off dumpster diving and walking everywhere? I currently live a life that requires a car, and electricity and buying food at the grocery store. How do I take steps towards a life that this earth can actually support? Jessica Prentice quotes Martin Prechtel, the author of the book The Party’s Over, as he talks about the big, mechanized slug of a culture of progress. This “culture crushing mentality” has left behind a homogenized, lifeless civilization of freeways, big box stores and franchise restaurants. My sister went to India and her traveling partner insisted on eating McDonalds and KFC. It is mind boggling that you even can eat that food 

By Eoin C

so far away from the American heartland where it was invented! How do I fight this overwhelming slug without being a total outsider to my culture and community?

Prentice and Prechtel leave us with a simple, yet profoundly life shifting call to action; to recreate the interpersonal relationships found in our ancestral villages. Not to reject modern civilization (I do truly believe that appropriate technology will be profoundly useful in creating a sustainable culture) but building the human community within our civilization that makes life meaningful, valuable and worth honoring. In terms of food, this community is built through becoming a producer as well as a consumer, and trading with other individual producers. Buying eggs from a neighbor or local farmer, shopping for vegetables at the farmer’s market where you can shake the hand of the woman who grew your cauliflower, trading your dried oregano and wild harvested nettles for your neighbors apples or lettuce. These things allow us to see each other as valuable individuals, not just cogs in the wheel or obstacles on the way to our own fulfillment.

By Wiz411

We can create these webs of relationship in ways that don’t involve food, too. Taking the bus or walking allows us to really see our neighbors (and sometimes hear them, and smell them but that’s how we know they are real people). My group of friends is great at having the kinds of parties that allow us to build relationships, like Christmas lights viewing or cheese and wine parties or trips to the pumpkin patch. My church, like so many other places of worship, is another bastion of community relationships. When I was having such a dark time this last fall I realized that the culture of my church community involved explicitly being open with our needs and equally explicit with our ability to help each other both through encouragement and physical or material assistance. I learned that I had to be equally explicit with my non-church friends and once I did my needs were met quickly and lovingly.

The wolf is at the gate, this time of year. The days are dark and we are lonely, both in our daily lives and in our cultural life. Wolves show us how interconnected we all are and how important strengthening and honoring those connections really is. How connected do you feel these days, to your friends and family, your community and your larger ecosystem home? How do these connections nourish you, ground you or leave you feeling confined? Who do you like to buy your food from or share your food with? Do you have any wolf, coyote or other large predator sighting stories to share?  

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** This winter was tough and I got messed up in my calendar. I wrote this thinking it was the Milk Moon but it was really the Birth Moon. Since the post itself is more about the Wolf Moon, I just changed the tags and labels. For more on my thoughts about this, see this post. **

New Birth Moon 2008: Waiting

New Birth Moon 2009: Advent, Awaiting the Birth

New Birth Moon 2010: Winter is Dark, Yet Each Tiny Spark

My full Milk Moon post in January of 2010 is also about the Wolf Moon, and retells the wonderful story of St. Francis and the wolf of Gubbio.

The New Birth Moon

New Birth Moon

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Lest that last post leave you worried that I am drowning in depressing and darkness....

The veil has lifted. The Birth Moon is risen!


I can't tell what made the change. I finished a big writing portion of my student last week and am actually teaching now. Maybe I finally was able to hang onto the positive attitude breakthrough I've been bobbing in and out of for a few weeks. Maybe it was God showing me, through a question asked at Meeting last weekend of what would heaven look like, that really cemented the change of heart. My response was that heaven looks just like this life, only I get the unshakable, undeniable knowledge that everything that happens is part of the Divine System and really will make everyone stronger, smarter, wiser and happier. It felt like as soon as I wrote those words down the scales fell from my eyes and I really did see heaven here and now.

Yes, I'm still tired. Yes, there is tons of work and stress. But I do really, honestly feel... really know in my heart... that it is all just the work that has been set up, uniquely and purposefully, for me.

Have you ever felt this realization? How have you worked through hard periods in your life? What sooths you in times of stress the way the sight of the new crescent moon soothed me this week?

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** This winter was tough and I got messed up in my calendar. The moon that this post was written about -the Birth Moon - and the moon that it actually was according to Annette Hinshaw's calendar - the Death Moon - are not the same. For more on my thoughts about this, see this post. ** 

New Birth Moon 2008: Waiting

New Birth Moon 2009: Advent, Awaiting the Birth

New Birth Moon 2010: Winter is Dark, Yet Each Tiny Spark

New Birth Moon 2011: It's Hard

I also talked about Very Hard Things in the post Very Bad Things and Our Lady of Sorrows.

Weddings

Full Nesting Moon
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Frog went a courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh
Frog went a courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh
Frog went a courtin' and he did ride
With a sword and a pistol by his side,
uh-huh uh-huh, oh yeah.

He went down to Miss Mousie's door, uh-huh
He went down t' Miss Mousie's door, uh-huh
He went down Miss Mousie's door,
Where he had often been before,
uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

He took Miss Mousie 'pon his knee, uh-huh
He said, "Miss Mouse, will you marry me?" , uh-huh
"Without my Uncle Rat's consent
I wouldn't marry the President."
Uh-huh, uh-huh, oh yeah.

Well now, where will the wedding supper be? Uh-huh
Where will the wedding supper be? Uh-huh
Hey, where will the wedding supper be?
Way down yonder in a hollow tree,
uh-huh, uh-huh, oh yeah.

Now Mister Frog was dressed in green, M-hm, M-hm,
Now Mister Frog was dressed in green, uh- huh
Now Mister Frog was dressed in green
Sweet Miss Mouse looked like a queen.
uh-huh, uh-huh, oh yeah.

First to come in was the Junie Bug, uh-huh
Yeah first to come come in was the Junie Bug, uh-huh
First come in was the Junie Bug,
She brought the whiskey in a water jug,
uh huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

They all gathered round the lucky pair, M-hm, M-hm
They all gathered round the lucky pair, M-hm, M-hm,
They all gathered round the lucky pair
Singing, dancing everywhere,
uh huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

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On the night of the full Nesting Moon I was dancing and feasting in celebration of the wedding of a pair of my good friends. The Nesting moon asks us to celebrate both our current bounties and to plan for our future needs by husbanding that bounty well. A wedding is a perfect place to express that very sentiment.

Both weddings I went to this summer had beautiful ceremonies and fantastic parties. I came away from both so full of gratitude to the families who provided for such a wonderful event. The first bride's parents rented her friends a large house to stay at for the weekend and we had such a great time. The second wedding occurred at the bride's parents property in the Coast Range and the neighbors allowed us to pitch tents in their orchard. Both weddings enjoyed perfect weather, gorgeous natural scenery and dance parties to end all dance parties.

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Come on all right
We're gonna celebrate
One more time
Celebrate and dance for free
Music's got me feeling so free
Celebrate and dance so free
One more time
Music's got me feeling so free
We're gonna celebrate
Celebrate and dance for free
One more time

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Both of my pairs of friends who were married this summer did so after many years of dating, loving and living together. Both couples had faced trials in their relationships and come out the other end feeling even more strongly that they were ready to commit to a lifetime together. The Nesting Moon asks us to get ready for those challenges that we will all face. Winter is coming whether we are prepared or not so it is best to test your skills before they are really needed, to stock your larder before you are hungry and to nourish your support network so it is there when you are in need.

I was so inspired by the communities present at both weddings. I am a part of a large group of amazing lady friends who party together, take care of each other and inspire each other. The adults of our parents' generation at both weddings also showed off their strong communities. One set of parents has lived in a rural community where they have grown gardens, chickens and families together. Another set of parents are pillars in their community with an extended family and friend group that were there to help and love all the kids of the community. My group of friends has commented over and over again that we need to continue to keep our bonds of friendship strong, even as our lives change during these years as we transition from young adult hood into the next stage. We see what a blessing that strong community is and we want it for ourselves and our future kids as well.

Celebrating what is. Looking to what may be. The Nesting Moon asks us to do both, at the same time and so does a wedding. Both ask us to look into making our future the best it can be, no matter what may come up. Both ask us to celebrate our successes, both material, communal and spiritual. Both ask us to think about what we want our home to really look like, who we want our home to look like.

Happy Nesting Moon!

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Alabama, Arkansas
I do love my ma and pa
Not that way that I do love you

Holy moley, me oh my
You're the apple of my eye
Girl, I've never loved one like you

Man, oh man, you're my best friend
I scream it to the nothingness
There ain't nothing that I need

Well, hot and heavy, pumpkin pie
Chocolate candy, Jesus Christ
Ain't nothing please me more than you

Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you

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The "poems" are song lyrics from songs actually sung or played at the weddings this summer. The first is Froggy Went A-Courting, a traditional English ballad. One bride's father re-wrote the song with lyrics that told the story of his daughter and her groom's courtship and marriage. We all sang along. The second is Daft Punk's One More Time. The other bride's younger brother chose it as the final song for our dance party at his sister's wedding. The song culminated with the group of friends lifting the bride and groom onto their shoulders and dancing around them. We were all singing. The third set of lyrics is the song Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. The friends and family at the first wedding secretly practiced singing and playing the song and sang it to the bride and groom instead of a traditional maid of honor toast. Everyone sang along.
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Full Nesting Moon 2009: Hey.. It's My Birfday!

Full Nesting Moon 2010: Spider Moon

My Full Milk Moon 2011 post, The Positive Feedback Loop of Love, is also about weddings.

Very Bad Things and Our Lady of Sorrows

Full Seed Moon

Full Seed Moon 2009: Seeds! Seeds!!

Full Seed Moon 2010: Planting Seeds in My Mind, Heart and Garden

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The full moon that happened on March 19th was the full moon in the Seed Moon. This moon asks us questions about the things we begin at every scale from small project to lifetimes and beyond. This is the time of year when so much in nature is beginning anew - plants are growing new leaves or sprouting completely new from the soil, animals are mating and giving birth - it is natural to think about how we begin and nurture new things in our lives. It is a time for tiny, sweet things.

Tiny, sweet things are scary, though, because we tend to imagine all the terrible things that might happen to them in the future. A seed is taking a risk in sprouting and we take a risk every time we start something new. I usually like to focus on the benefits of taking a risk, the positive potential outcomes and the biggifying good in the world. But you know what? Sometimes we take a risk and fail. Sometimes our seeds don't even sprout, or they are killed by frost or torrential rain or jays or slugs. Sometimes bad things happen that aren't our fault, like a hailstorm or earthquakes. Sometimes these things are crushing, awful, Really Bad Things.

I have been struggling mightily in the past few weeks with this realization; bad things happen and there is nothing we can do about it. It may seem trite or obvious, but my life has been really blessed and there has been thankfully little in my past that qualifies as a really bad thing. I've been witness to some Really Bad Things recently, though, ranging from earthquakes, tsunamis and war to more personal disappointments and disasters. It's not much fun and has turned me to that possibly most ancient of ancient questions - how can a good God allow such bad things to happen?

There is no way I can really do justice to the question, but I can share an insight I had as I was struggling in that mire. My insight was not novel (what is in theology?) but it was brilliant to me. As I prayed into my hurt and disappointment I had the realization that God is there, too. She is in the blossoms and sprouts, but she is in the frost bitten, dead and dying bits. Upon realizing, or remembering, this Truth I was comforted. It was like a balm had been applied to my ache.

I have always been a little baffled by the Catholic preoccupation with the sorrow of Christ and his Mother. One of the popular rosary devotions is called the Seven Sorrows, churches and schools are named Our Lady of Sorrows and the Lamentation of the Virgin - the image of Mary holding the crucified Jesus - has been depicted in sculpture and painting through the ages. These images of god just never resonated with me before (and yes, I fully realize just how lucky and blessed I am to be able to say those words). In this month of thinking about the seeds that sprout and the seeds that don't, these images have started to be meaningful to me.

For years my motto has been "Everything will be OK in the end; if it's not OK, it's not the end." I still believe that but I am starting to see the real truth that the not-OK stuff is OK, too. It hurts and sucks and is scary. But it's OK to be there in the hurting, sucky, scary stuff because God is there with you. I've felt her there, holding me, rocking me, crying with me - just like the Virgin in the Pieta. She feels the suck and hurt, and it sucks for her and hurts her. But we are here, together, in this mess and knowing that gives me the strength to put one foot in front of the other and start walking towards the not bad stuff that is still going on all around me.

Prayer in Sickness

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
and my Mother,
I come before you
in the knowledge that you will help me.

My faith tells me so
and my heart makes sure of this.

In my sickness,
and in the midst of my suffering,
I often call out to you: "Mother!"

Just saying this word
makes me feel better.

When I feel misunderstood and all alone,
I know that you are with me
and that you love me.

Help me, Mary,
and when I am well let me love God more.
Amen.

The End of Ramadan

Eid Mubārak! We have just reached the end of the holy month of Ramadan and are now in the festive season of Eid ul-Fitr, the conclusion of the fast. Muslims all over the world have spend the last 30 days refraining from eating, drinking during the daylight hours and spending extra time praying in order to be closer to Allah. Early in the month I wrote about my feeling of needing to learn more about Islam and Muslims and of sharing what I learn with people around me. Below is a collection of my Facebook posts from the month aiming to share my interest in Islam. I hope you enjoy them as much as my Facebook friends did!

* I saw the new crescent moon last night - the new moon of the month of Ramadan, in fact. It is the most holy month in the Islamic calendar and Muslims aim to spend it in fasting and prayer. The holiday at the end of the month, Eid ul-Fitr, is a joyous festival of family and hospitality. Let us spend this month getting to know a little more about this ancient and amazing religion and the 1.5 billion people who follow it.

* Ramadan is a special month because it is when the Angel Gabriel (Jibril) taught the Prophet Muhammad the verses of the Koran. Observant Muslims spend this time working to be close to God/Allah by studying the Koran, fasting, and praying. Pregnant and nursing women, children, people who are sick or are traveling are not required to fast but most will make up the fast days when they can.

* During Ramadan people who have fasted during the day break their fast with an evening meal called iftar. It is traditionally begun by eating a date because the Prophet Muhammad broke his fast with that fruit. Thomas Jefferson attended an iftar dinner, according to Wikipedia!

* President Obama is hosting an iftar tonight (August 13)! The tradition was started by Bill Clinton and continued by GW Bush. Here is the text of his Iftar Remarks.

*Pakistan is the country with the world's second largest Islamic population in the world (after Indonesia) and is currently suffering massive loss of life and property due to flooding of the Indus river. Today is the 63rd anniversary of their independence from India and the first weekend of Ramadan... celebrations have been canceled all over the country. CNN Article; U.S. helicopters arrive in Pakistan to assist relief efforts

*At-Tuwani, a Muslim village in the Palestinian West Bank, is utilizing non violence resistance to block and call attention to the harassment they suffer at the hands of Israeli settlers. Orchards are cut down, homes ransacked and children kept from getting to school. During this holy month of Ramadan let’s remember that all people deserve a safe life and livelihood. For more of what is going on at At-Tuwani check out the Christian Peacemakers Team website.

*A high school football team in Dearborn, MI has moved its practices to 11pm to accommodate the fasting students during Ramadan. Dearborn MI is a city of 100,000 with close to 30,000 Arab Muslims. It is also home to North America's largest mosque. Cool! ESPN's story; Mich. school practices 11 p.m. to 4 a.m. Colorlines.com story; Michigan Football Team Observes Ramadan, Puts NYC to Shame.

* Though I heard about it on the Daily Show, this isn't really funny. Tashima Crudup seems to have been denied approval as a foster parent because she, as a practicing Muslim, does not allow pork in her house. During this month of Ramadan let us examine our fears of the unknown people and groups and look for ways to practice the tolerance we expect "them" to show. Here's the Daily Show segment... Pork or Parents. And here is the Baltimore Sun article on the situation; ACLU: Foster mother rejected for not serving pork.

* There is a long historical association between African-Americans and Islam. It is estimated that about 10% of the slaves brought to America in the 17th and 18th centuries were Muslim. Today approximately 25% of the 6-8 million Muslims in America are African-American. During this month of Ramadan let us remember that Muslim does not equal Arab, nor is it equal for foreigner.

* According to a Pew Research Center poll 18% of Americans think Barack Obama is a Muslim. Most like those people think Obama is a poor leader and that being Muslim is a bad thing. Just for the record, he is a Christian (remember that scandal about his pastor?). During this month of Ramadan let us work to dispel untruths about Muslims and aim to keep "Muslim" and "people we don't like" from becoming synonymous. NPR story; Pew Survey: Growing Number Of Americans Say President Obama Is Muslim

* The Islamic civilization that dominated western Asia, North Africa and parts of Europe & India from the 9th to 16th centuries was a hotbed of mathematical thinking. The religious requirements of worship and inheritance set up the scientists of the day for massive advances in computation, geometry and algebra. In fact, our words algebra and algorithm (and alcohol!) are derived from Arabic words. Here is a great article that spells out some more of the advances. Arabic translations of many Greek works were the only copies to survive the European dark ages. Kevin Devlin's column on the Mathematical Association of America site; The Mathematical Legacy of Islam

* Rumi:

Birdsong brings relief to my longing, I'm just as ecstatic as they are, but with nothing to say! Please universal soul, practice some song or something through me!

Jalal ad-Dīn Muhammad Rumi was a Sufi Muslim poet who lived and wrote in Persia in the late 1200s. His poetry is loved all over the world for its transcendental and ecstatic emotions but he was a firm believer in the truth of Islam. For more Rumi poems check this out this wonderful site.

* I just read about how a Swedish city joined with an Islamic student group to disseminate information about Ramadan to the Swedish public. "Ramadan is part of Swedish culture and we want to tell everybody about it. It is ignorance which breeds fear. By talking about Muslims and our customs and traditions, we counteract xenophobia and racism". Read more on the Islam in Europe blog's post Sweden: Municipality subsidizes Ramadan campaign

* Two great articles about how absurd the debate over the “Ground Zero Mosque” really is.
Charlie Brooker's column in the Guardian. 'Ground Zero mosque'? The reality is less provocative.

"The planned "ultra-mosque" will be a staggering 5,600ft tall – more than five times higher than the tallest building on Earth – and will be capped with an immense dome of highly-polished solid gold, carefully positioned to bounce sunlight directly toward the pavement, where it will blind pedestrians and fry small dogs. The main structure will be delimited by 600 minarets, each shaped like an upraised middle finger, and housing a powerful amplifier: when synchronised, their combined sonic might will be capable of relaying the muezzin's call to prayer at such deafening volume, it will be clearly audible in the Afghan mountains, where thousands of terrorists are poised to celebrate by running around with scarves over their faces, firing AK-47s into the sky and yelling whatever the foreign word for "victory" is. I'm exaggerating."

And another very funny article on Cracked.com; 3 Reasons the "Ground Zero Mosque" Debate Makes No Sense

* Muslim women are encouraged (but not required by the Koran) to wear a hijab, a head scarf that covers their hair to outwardly mirror their inner modesty. The potent mix of religious based intolerance and fear along with women's rights make the hijab a point of controversy all over the western world. During this month of Ramadan please examine your own feelings about women's head coverings. What are we so afraid of?

* Zakāt or "alms giving" is one of the Five Pillars of Islam. There are complicated rules about who needs to give what and who can receive what, but in general most Muslims give 1/40th, or 2.5% of their wealth to the poor. It is required the same way praying and fasting during Ramadan is required. During this holy month ...let us think about how we share our wealth with the needy.

* The Onion, America’s finest news source. Man Already Knows Everything He Needs To Know About Muslims

* Happy Eid ul-Fitr! Muslims all over the world are celebrating the end of the fasting month of Ramadan today by feasting, praying and giving small gifts to loved ones. Muslims are encouraged to forgive and forget any past animosities or difficulties. What are you celebrating and forgiving on this blessed day of Eid?